How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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