Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
