worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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