She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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