i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize