I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He felt like a one man threesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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