Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
