I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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