At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
