dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
