We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
