I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
