i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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