I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
