there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he had hair everywhere except his balls
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
