Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
