I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
