Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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