There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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