do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
