New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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