One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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