Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize