Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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