I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
