Plan B is the new Plan A
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
