I accidentally burped into my bong.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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