i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
