Girls should come with a carfax report
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
