I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize