Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
