You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
