I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
