Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
