I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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