Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
