I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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