sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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