They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
