I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are we still banned from the library?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
