Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
