What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
40s are totally the cure
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
