He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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