She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize