no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
