i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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