I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
