ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
