In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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