I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
