Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
