I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
