I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
