sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
