True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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