I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
