Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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