Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
