I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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