I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.