I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???