Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
