Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
