Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
