I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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