Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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