I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
